Moms: Stay Resilient During the Holidays
Finding Strength, Stillness, and Self-Compassion
By Mikaela Wainright, BSN, RN, RNC-OB, regular STM contributor
You Can Do This: Staying resilient during the holiday season is crucial to your mental health.
A Season Full of Joy — and Invisible Weight
The Christmas morning anticipation, beautiful lights and decorated trees, big feasts gathered around the table… what is there not to love about the holiday season? But what no one talks about, and no one sees, is a mother staying up countless hours making sure the magic stays alive for their children’s eyes. A mother who spends hours in the kitchen, providing her family with meals to fill their stomachs. A woman who hides the stress behind a smile, because that’s what mothers do. Holidays are a magical time, but for mothers, this is the time when the invisible load grows heaviest.
“Holidays are a magical time—but for mothers, this is when the invisible load grows heaviest.”
I have looked forward to my baby’s first Christmas ever since I found out I was pregnant. My childhood memories were always so special, and my parents did everything they could to make sure we had memories to treasure during the holiday season. I couldn’t do any less for my own child. But the stress of having that “perfect” Christmas crept up on me until I was paralyzed with overwhelming anxiety.
“If she can do it and make it look so easy, why am I struggling to just get my tree decorated?”
Scrolling through Instagram and the magic depicted in movies, it is so easy to feel the pressure to give your kids the perfect, magical experience. Questions of self-doubt begin to circle in your mind. Fatigue and overstimulation raise cortisol levels, making emotional regulation much more difficult. This leads to the classic spiral. Anxiety and overstimulation lead to self-doubt and stress.
“The perfection we seek is a performance, and it is okay if we fall short of our own expectations.”
If you are feeling stretched thin, emotional, or overwhelmed- you are not failing, you are human. Where there is love, there is magic. A child who is loved does not need the perfect Christmas tree or a stack of presents as high as they are. If I have learned anything in motherhood, it is that my child is just as happy with a cardboard box as with one filled with toys. We, as mothers, do not have the responsibility to perform for anyone. Our job as mothers is to love and protect our children. To provide them with a safe, happy, and fulfilled life. The perfection we seek is a performance, and it is okay if we fall short of our own expectations. That is irrevocably human.
What Resiliency Really Looks Like for Mothers
To many of us, resilience means putting our heads down and pushing forward until we cross the finish line. But psychological research shows that true resilience, rather than pushing through pain and stress, is more about flexibility. Rather than continue to let the stress and busyness of the season bog us down, see what compromises could be made to help us cope. As we mentioned before, our emotional stability cannot work if our stress hormones (Cortisol) are through the roof. What do you think of when you hear the word “boundaries”? I always used to roll my eyes at the mention of the word boundaries, thinking they were an evasion of conflict and difficult conversations. But when I started my own family, I realized that boundaries are a healthy tool for protecting the peace my body yearns for. Whether it is skipping that one holiday work party or baby shower, or a few less presents underneath the tree, what are some ways you could be gentler with yourself this season?
Saying no is not an act of rejection, but protection. Give yourself grace this season. You deserve just as much of the kindness, peace, and love that you give to your children. So instead of spending hours stressing over the gift wrap. Set small goals, and realize it is perfectly all right not to hold yourself to the highest standard.
A moment of Rest: Important in a season that asks for more of mothers.
Practical Steps to Achieving Holiday Peace
1) Decide on your “non-negotiables.”
• What are the things that matter most to you and your family this season?
• What things do you need to do to set these in stone in your calendar?
• Whether it’s protecting your bedtime routines, one night a week without an event, or one morning a week dedicated to sleeping in, what are some things you need to maintain your peace these few months?
2) Create a “Yes, with limits” script
• Don’t let the mom guilt sway you away from your boundaries and non-negotiables
• Setting those boundaries, early and gently, will help to smooth over these rocky conversations
• Be willing to make compromises where you can.
• “We’d love to stop by, but we can only stay an hour.”
• “We’re keeping things simple this year so that we won’t make it to every event.”
3) Let “good enough” be the goal
• Let’s get away from the performance of motherhood and focus on the presence!
• Your presence matters more than perfection, and you will not be able to be fully present for your kiddos if you’re going 1000% on everything else.
• Try some different, simpler things this year to save your time:
o Store-bought cookies instead of homemade
o One gift per teacher instead of multiple
o Simple décor instead of Pinterest-worthy setup
• Ask for help!
4) Build a five-minute reset ritual
• Step outside and breathe cold air
• Brew a cup of tea and sit in silence
• A one-song worship pause
• A quick stretch or prayer
• Writing a 3-line journal entry
5) End each day with a simple celebration
• Whether with your family or alone in a journal, pausing for the day you’ve had and finding all the joy in it, no matter how small, will help you to focus on the things that matter
“Your presence matters more than perfection.”
Joyous Moments: Showing up, just as you are.
A Season to be Held, Not Just Carried
Motherhood will always ask much of us, but the holidays seem to ask for even more. Yet in the middle of the bustle, the pressure, and the expectations—there is a deeper truth waiting for us to notice it: we were never meant to hold all of this alone. Not the magic, not the memories, not the mental load. And certainly not the weight of perfection.
Resilience in motherhood isn’t about muscling through the holidays with a strained smile and an empty tank. It’s about honoring your limits, choosing presence over performance, and remembering that your worth as a mother has never depended on how picture-perfect the season looks. Your strength is already evident in the love you show, the sacrifices you make, and the way you show up day after day—even when you’re tired, even when your tree isn’t decorated yet, even when your emotions feel frayed.
As you move through this holiday season, may you give yourself permission to rest, to say no, to simplify, to breathe. May you choose flexibility over pressure, compassion over comparison, and quiet moments over chaos. And most of all, may you feel fulfilled not because everything was flawless—but because you were present, you were loving, and you were human.
This year, let the holidays be less about carrying the weight and more about letting yourself be held—by your boundaries, by your grace, by the magic that comes from simply being a mother who loves deeply. That is more than enough.
Expert Insight: Resilience for Mothers
To help ground this lived experience in maternal health research and clinical insight, we invited Dr. Oluchukwu Loveth Obiora (PhD, MSN, RN, EBP-C), Assistant Professor at Texas Woman’s University’s Nelda C. Stark College of Nursing, to share reflections on resilience, boundaries, and self-compassion during the holidays. Her words affirm what many mothers already feel but rarely hear validated: the pressure is real, and caring for yourself is not a failure—it is essential.
“Resilience is not about achieving perfection—it’s about cultivating flexibility, allowing yourself rest when needed, and practicing kindness toward your own spirit. During the holidays, your presence and love matter far more than any picture‑perfect scene.
“Unrealistic expectations can weigh heavily on mothers. Letting go of those pressures and prioritizing your well‑being is not selfish—it is essential. When you care for yourself, you create space for genuine joy and connection,” said Dr. Obora.
“Mothers are often expected to give endlessly, even when their own cup is empty. Yet saying ‘no’ and setting limits is a profound act of love.”
“Think of boundaries as gentle guardrails, much like the ones you place to protect a curious toddler from the stairs. Boundaries are not walls to keep others out; they are supports that keep you safe, steady, and grounded.
“Mothers are often expected to give endlessly, even when their own cup is empty. Yet saying ‘no’ and setting limits is a profound act of love. It honors your health and ensures that the care you give your family comes from a place of strength rather than depletion.”
STM Editor’s Note:
Maternal stress and mental health challenges are far more common than many realize. About one in five mothers experience a mental health condition during pregnancy or the postpartum period, and chronic stress—especially during high-pressure seasons like the holidays—can raise cortisol levels, making emotional regulation and rest more difficult. Mothers are also more likely to shoulder the majority of unpaid caregiving and household labor, contributing to the invisible weight described here. If this season feels heavy, you are not alone—and having support matters.
Are you a mental health expert and want to chime in? Are you a mom with your own unique pregnancy story? Reach out to Save Texas Moms. We would love to hear from you!
With gratitude,
—The Save Texas Moms Team
